The importance of emotional check-ins in relationships
By Relate
What Are Emotional Check-ins?
Emotional check-ins are brief, regular moments where partners share their current emotional state without judgment or the need to fix anything. Think of them as emotional weather reports - simple, honest updates about your inner climate.
Unlike deep conversations or problem-solving sessions, check-ins are about awareness and connection, not resolution.
Why They Matter
Prevention Over Crisis Management
Regular check-ins help you catch emotional storms before they become hurricanes. When you know your partner is struggling early, you can offer support before they reach their breaking point.
Building Emotional Intelligence
The practice of regularly identifying and sharing emotions builds emotional vocabulary and self-awareness for both partners.
Creating Safety
When check-ins become routine, partners feel safer sharing vulnerable emotions because they know they won't be judged or pressured to change.
The Science Behind Connection
Research shows that couples who regularly share emotions have:
- Higher relationship satisfaction
- Better conflict resolution skills
- Increased empathy and understanding
- Lower rates of relationship breakdown
- Improved individual mental health
Common Barriers to Check-ins
"We Don't Have Time"
Emotional check-ins don't need to be long. A 30-second exchange can be incredibly powerful when done consistently.
"My Partner Won't Open Up"
Start with yourself. Model emotional honesty and create a safe space. Many people need time to learn this skill.
"It Feels Forced or Awkward"
Like any new habit, check-ins feel unnatural at first. The awkwardness fades with practice.
"We Always End Up Fighting"
This suggests you're trying to solve problems during check-ins. Remember: the goal is awareness, not solutions.
How to Do Effective Check-ins
Keep It Simple
Use basic emotion words or simple scales. "I'm feeling anxious about work" or "I'm at a 7 out of 10 stress-wise today."
No Fixing
Resist the urge to solve, advise, or change your partner's emotional state. Just listen and acknowledge.
Be Honest
Share your real emotions, not what you think your partner wants to hear. Authenticity builds trust.
Stay Present
Put down phones, make eye contact, and give your full attention for these brief moments.
Different Types of Check-ins
Daily Micro Check-ins
Quick emotional temperature checks throughout the day. Perfect for busy couples.
Weekly Deeper Dives
Longer conversations about emotional patterns, triggers, and needs from the past week.
Transition Check-ins
Brief connections when moving between activities or locations. "How are you feeling about dinner with my parents?"
Crisis Check-ins
More frequent emotional monitoring during stressful periods like illness, job changes, or family challenges.
How Relate Simplifies Check-ins
The Relate app makes emotional check-ins effortless by:
- Removing the need to find words when emotions are complex
- Providing a visual system that's quick and clear
- Creating a routine that becomes automatic
- Allowing check-ins even when you're not physically together
- Tracking patterns over time
Making Check-ins Stick
Link to Existing Habits
Attach check-ins to things you already do: morning coffee, bedtime routine, or car rides.
Start Small
Begin with once-daily check-ins rather than trying to do them constantly.
Be Patient
It takes time to build emotional awareness and vocabulary. Celebrate small improvements.
Adapt as Needed
Some days require more check-ins, others fewer. Let your relationship's needs guide the frequency.
What Good Check-ins Look Like
Example 1: Morning Check-in
"I'm feeling anxious about my presentation today, probably a yellow. How are you doing?"
"I'm pretty good, definitely green. Want me to text you before your presentation?"
Example 2: Evening Check-in
"I'm emotionally drained from dealing with the kids' meltdowns. Solid red right now."
"I hear you. I can handle bedtime tonight. Take a bath or whatever you need."
When Check-ins Reveal Bigger Issues
Sometimes regular check-ins uncover patterns that need professional attention:
- Persistent depression or anxiety
- Recurring relationship conflicts
- Individual trauma responses
- Communication skill gaps
This isn't a failure of check-ins - it's them working exactly as intended, helping you identify when additional support is needed.
The Long-term Impact
Couples who practice regular emotional check-ins report:
- Feeling more understood and supported
- Fewer explosive arguments
- Better timing for difficult conversations
- Increased emotional intimacy
- Greater individual self-awareness
Remember: emotional check-ins aren't about being perfect or always feeling good. They're about being real, present, and connected with the person you love most.